Sunday, October 21, 2012

13 years

This is a little hard for me to write. It's a pretty sensitive subject and has been for the last, well, 13 years.

13 years ago today I lost my dad. I was only 12 years old. I have officially lived over half of my life without him here, and for a lack of better words, it sucks.

{I don't have many pictures of him. He wasn't really one for getting pictures taken.. This one is my favorite. 1989. }

He had a fairly short fight with cancer in 1999. Not even half a year. By the time they diagnosed him, it was too late to do anything. He was in the hospital for a little while, but before long we had him home in a hospital bed with hospice coming. He gave up eating and drinking. I remember the morning he died, I asked him if I could make him one of those Carnation instant breakfast shakes and he said no and I got upset with him. A few hours later he passed while I was at school. 

I hate that he missed me growing up. My graduation. My wedding. Aubrey's birth day. I hate that my girls will never know their grandfather.. that he will never be able to come up with awful nicknames for them (like he did for me, and no I will not tell you what it is because it's embarrassing lol), he won't be able to stick his dentures out of his mouth and flap them around and make them laugh. They won't spend endless summers with him up at the fairs he worked at. 

All they have are a few pictures, his grave, and the stories that I have in my memory. All I can do is make sure that it's enough.


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