Sunday, March 31, 2013


{this is a backdated post!}

Easter has always been one of my favorite holidays. As a kid I remember being so excited to see what the Easter Bunny would bring in my basket, and I loved finding the hidden eggs throughout my house. I think thing I ever found in my basket was a pair of tickets to see the Backstreet Boys! (It was their Black & Blue tour, and I remember writing "BSB" all over my face, alternating my nails with black & blue nail polish, and streaking my hair with black & blue mascara.)

I didn't think it was possible to be as excited about the holidays as I was when I was a kid, but having children of your own makes it even MORE fun because you're so excited to see their faces when they come out and see was left for them. 

Aubrey was up bright & early to see what was left in her purple basket, and the Easter Bunny didn't disappoint! Addison was pretty indifferent through our Easter morning festivities because at 6 weeks old, you don't get excited over much! 

After the baskets were gone through and all of the eggs were found, we all showered/bathed/got ready for Easter dinner at my sister's house! 

One reason why I love the holidays so much is for the food. I'll admit I am scared to cook a whole ham, chicken or turkey. I love cooking and I think I'm pretty decent at it, but I am intimidated by things bigger than my head going into the oven. I WILL find a way to screw it up. Between my side of the family & Keith's side of the family, we end up with some pretty amazing food throughout the day, and by the time we get home we're all ready for bed because our tummies are so full. 

Addie may have been too small to enjoy THIS holiday, but come December it is ON! At 10 months old she will be the perfect age for her first Christmas! 

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

A Year Ago..

One year ago..

I felt empty.
I couldn't pull myself out of bed.
Drinking a bottle of wine by myself in one night was the norm.
I ached for his tiny little perfect hands to be able to wrap around my pinky.
I became an angel mama.

One year ago today, we said hello and goodbye to our baby boy.

This year has been, without a doubt, the biggest roller coaster ride Keith & I have ever been on. I have had my fair share of heart ache over the years, but on March 6th, 2012, my heart broke into a million pieces.

A lot of people don't understand the pain. A lot of people wonder how one could be so attached to something that wasn't even a "real baby" yet. But if those people could have seen what we saw that night, they would know that he was a real baby. Just because he never took his first breath, just because he wasn't fully grown.. doesn't mean he wasn't real. He had 10 little fingers and 10 little toes, he had eyes, he had a heart beat that we had heard just 10 minutes before we lost him.

Keith was amazing through the whole process. He let me do what I needed to do to start the healing process and held my hand 100% of the time. He put up with my crazy mood swings, my constant tears, and gave me a hug whenever I needed one. 

Although the pain of not knowing what life would be like with a son will always be there, I knew God had a plan for us. It just so happens that his plan for us included lots of pink :)

Addie could not have come at a better time. At a day shy of 3 weeks old, she and Aubrey are just what I need to get through this hurdle and I am so thankful for both of them. 

I woke up this morning to crappy weather, and it matched what I felt inside perfectly. But I put on a happy face and smiled big while staring into Addie's big blue eyes as I nursed her at 5am. I kept that happy face on and took Aubrey out for a PJ Dunks run for donuts and coffee (and apple juice!) when she woke up. We even decided to make the day extra special for her and took her out for ice cream to Coldstone to use up a gift card that Santa left in my stocking. She has seen her mama cry too many times over the past year over something she couldn't even comprehend. It felt good to make sure she was happy today.

On April 21st, we will be walking in the March for Babies fundraiser. This is our second year walking in memory of KRJ. If you would like to donate, you can do so {here}.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

You Should Know..

Ashley @ Little Miss Momma invited her followers to join her with her latest post, and I thought it would be fun, so here goes! 

Things You Should Know If We're Gonna Be BFFs

I searched pretty far back to try to find a picture of just me, but had a difficult time. So you get a picture of me and Addie.
I have to have the volume of the tv or radio on an even number.
I'm the baby of 5 kids. My siblings range between 17-24 years older than me. Clearly I was an 'oops' (a "happy oops", my mom assures me)
I haaaate cold ketchup.
I have to have a fan blowing in my face when I sleep. Even if it's -34 degrees out.
I need to pair said fan with a blanket. Preferably a comforter. 
If I'm driving alone, my music is turned up loud and I'm singing along at the top of my lungs.
I'm not happy if my cream to coffee ratio isn't at least 50:50.
I love pecans. The first tip I had before finding out that I was pregnant with Addie was sitting at my best friend's kitchen table on Memorial Day digging through a jar of mixed nuts finding all the pecans. 
I could find a reason to cry over any movie. I'm sure of it. I even cried when Charlie Brown didn't get a Valentine. 
I'm kind of fascinated with serial killers. I even have an encyclopedia about them. It makes Keith a little nervous. :)
I love to scrapbook but never seem to find the time. I threw together Aubrey's "first year" scrapbook the weekend before her first birthday party promising myself that I would go back and add more detail. It's still sitting in my scrapbook storage ottoman. The awful part about it is I vowed to do one for each year of my kids' lives. I have a lot of work to do.
I'll spend $20 on an outfit for one of my girls, knowing they'll outgrow it in a week.. but hate to spend that much on a shirt for me.
I've never been to Disney, and can't wait to take the girls in a few years when Addie is old enough to enjoy it. Keith & I were planning on going for our anniversary one year, but then found out we were pregnant with Aubrey.
The beach is my favorite place to be. I'm hoping I'll get to go at least once sans kids this summer so I can relax, boogie board and sunbathe (and maybe have a strawberry daiquiri or two) without worrying about Aubrey drowning ;)
I can't stand the sound of people chewing.
I cry every time I have to get an IV. They were the single worst part of both of my c-sections.
I love to write lists. And if I mess up and have to cross something out, I need to rewrite the whole thing.

Feel free to join in and make your own list and link up!