When I first heard about this movie, I was actually really looking forward to seeing it. Having gone through a loss myself, it was something that hit close to home and it was a relief to see a movie that would break the silence, since miscarriage and stillbirth are such taboo subjects.
Saturday night, after spending the day with Keith and the girls at a family cookout, I sat on my couch and nervously hit "play" on the DVR. I knew this would dig up a lot of emotions inside of me. Feelings that I deal with frequently but rarely show. And, my God, it felt good to get it out.
This movie did an incredible job of telling the story of loss. It skims the surface of what loss looks like on the outside, but also gets down to the nitty-gritty of the toll it takes on the couple going through it. The good, the bad and the ugly.
There are a few scenes that really pulled my heart strings, and these may be triggers for moms who have dealt with loss. They are also spoilers, so if you haven't seen the movie or don't want to know what happens, you should probably stop here.
1. When Maggie's doctor told her she would need to deliver her baby. The sheer look of panic on her face. As someone who has never experienced a loss, Minnie Driver did a hell of a good job portraying this woman. This was the first of many scenes that sent me into a sobfest. I remember the exact moment when the on-call doctor at the hospital told me "Your baby is coming. You need to push."
2. The moment when baby Arthur was placed into Maggie's arms. Ouch. My heart took me right back to when Keith & I got to hold our little guy. Those moments are forever etched in my memory. Ten perfect fingers and ten perfect toes. I'm so glad we got photos of those moments. I will treasure them as long as I live.
3. Any time somebody told Maggie "everything happens for a reason". Let me tell you something. This is the LAST thing someone who lost a baby wants to hear. I can't tell you how many times I heard this, and it hurt like hell every single time.
4. This conversation when Maggie's mother confides in her that she has experienced a miscarriage:
"Miscarriage is not the same thing as a stillbirth, mom."
"It's still a loss and it still hurts. It's not just the loss of a baby. It's the loss of the possibility of what might have been, and that is exactly the same."
This quote really stuck out for me. My pastor said something similar to this when we had a ceremony after the loss of our son. When a mother finds out she is expecting, she immediately starts envisioning this baby's future. She imagines out nursery themes for each gender, names, whose nose the baby will get. She starts to picture what that child will add to the family. When those dreams get taken away, she is left with a void in her heart.
Whether you loved the movie or hated it, the most important part is that it did it's purpose: to get people talking about this taboo subject. I pray that one day, those who experience loss can grieve openly and not feel any judgement. That they aren't told to "get over it". But until that day comes, my door is open.