Originally written on August 23rd, 2012
You ever have that feeling that something is going to go horrible wrong?
I have had this knot in my stomach since I got those two lines on that pregnancy test. Every time I went in for an ultrasound and came out with no photostrip to hold and show to our family, the knot got bigger and bigger. I was beginning to lose hope and wonder if maybe it just wasn't meant to be this time around. I started to come to terms with it in my mind. At least I didn't have to go almost 15 weeks like I did with KRJ. At least I know early so I don't get as attached.
I went into my ultrasound on Tuesday (7/10, since I am not posting these as I type them) and I just couldn't get excited. I had my camera in my purse and didn't even take it out to start recording because I was afraid that there would be nothing and I would have to have it on video. I had already had 2 in the last 3 weeks that showed nothing, so when the tech started looking around and I saw a tiny heartbeat flickering, tears instantly started. It was such a wonderful moment.
My due date has been pushed back one last time to February 28th. A tiny part of me is bummed, only because when I first found out I was pregnant and used the due date calculator, it showed a due date of the 16th. Since I will be having a repeat c-section, that would have guaranteed a new little Valentine to snuggle. I envisioned Aubrey and her new little brother or sister wearing matching holiday outfits (oh yeah, I am so going there). But the other 99% of me is telling that 1% that there will be a million opportunities for matching outfits (especially if it's another girl!).
Baby's heartbeat was 114 beats per minute. It was music to my ears. We have our fetal scan (where we will also find out the gender!!) on September 12th! It seems like ions away, even though it is only 59 (but who's counting, really?)